


Variance

by Toki_Blade



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dysfunctional Family, Hidden Depths, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Instability, Sadstuck, but not really, hidden fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-30
Updated: 2014-02-19
Packaged: 2017-12-30 22:14:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1023998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toki_Blade/pseuds/Toki_Blade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The days all blend together and are all the same with little variance.<br/>This is how you like it- this is how it’s suppose to be.<br/>This is what you can handle.<br/>What you can’t handle is change and responsibility (for anyone other than yourself) being thrust upon you without any warning.<br/>And yet- it happens anyways.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> It's only really sad in essence, and if you pay close enough attention.
> 
> There are mentions of characters who do not exist in cannon. Do not fret though, they're already dead and make no appearance.

You’re fidgeting awkwardly in a chair that’s too small for you. It’s bright yellow in a line of other chairs that are pressed against the wall ( _red blue green yellow orange red blue green yellow_ ). You’ve been sitting here for over forty five minutes ( _forty eight and five seconds six seven eight_ ) and you’re _really_  considering leaving. It’s not really worth it anyways. You’re not even fit for this kind of thing. Your house is probably _thriving_  with dangerous objects ( _of course it’s not you know it’s not excuses excuses they’re family family_) and you can barely care for yourself, how will you care for two other beings?

The clock is still ticking ( _forty nine and thirty one, two_ ). You’ve been watching it like a hawk since you arrived in this godforsaken place. ( _t_ _hirty eight, nine_ ) You should just leave. There’s not much you can do anyways, ( _you’re brother’s should have done more should have done something_) your apartment is barely big enough for one ( _clean out the back room they’ll fit but my stuff is in there suck it up what stuff_).

The door opens and your head snaps up ( _fifty and four, five, six_ ) it’s just another nurse ( _are they really nurses more like stop be_ nice)she smiles at you as she passes (fake _fake fake she knows she knows_) and you almost run out of there right then but the door opens again ( _runrunrun nownownow oh wait_ ) and it’s the woman from before again ( _fifty two and five, six, finally, eight_ ).

“Mr. Vantas.” She says, and motions to you and you want to tell her not to call you that ( _not me not me him him better always him_) but you have nothing else for her to call you ( _S ha funny you’re hilarious die_ ) so you just follow silently.

“-So glad we could contact you.” She’s saying, and you don’t really care but you suppose you should ( _you’re brother you asshole you didn’t even know you did didn’t care_). “We were afraid all other family members were, ah, gone.” Gone. that’s such a nice way to put _dead_. You feel like mentioning your theory on the curse ( _should have been you that’d gone_) but that’s not what normal people would mention at a time like this ( _normal_ _ha_ ) so you don’t say anything.

“You were adopted weren’t you?” She asks, rounding a corner ( _yes shut up shut up bitch shut up shut up be nice_) “Funny how families work like that, they start in the system and they end in the system.” She laughs. You want to hit her. ( _no you want to kill her against a wall hands on neck snap snap can’t breath hahaha_ ) You chew on the inside of your cheek until you can taste blood.

“They’ve been behaving fairly well.” She says, “Haven’t been acting up, mostly quiet. They stick together when they can. They’re the perfect model kids, wish we had more like that.” She wishes more kids were in this situation? She laughs again and you really just want to slam her against a wall and watch as she gasps for air ( _like a fish glub glub stop it stop it ha_).

She stops at a door and motions to it. “They’re in here.” ( _well duh_ ) “Would you like a few moments to get acquainted while I get the paperwork?” ( _paperwork what the fuck were you doing fifty minutes_ )

“Yeah, thanks.” You smile at her and enter the room.

He’s older than you remember, ( _years been years no duh_) taller. You don’t recognise the younger one, must be _her_  kid. The smaller looks like the older one used to, spitting image. ( _you look like you family family shut up shut up_) They’re holding hands but the younger one is squirming, trying to free his hand. ( _remind you of- no shut up shut up can’t can’t_)

They glance up when you enter the room.

The smaller one stops fighting and just stares at you with these wide, awed eyes. ( _creepy stop it shut up_ ) The older looks up, he’s staring you down as well ( _ugh stop it freaking me out_) his brows furrow as he glances the length of your body. ( _what_ )

He scoffs and glances away. ( _well fine then_ )

You send them an awkward smile and your hands find their way into your pockets. “Hey.”

You see the taller one’s jaw tense and his eyes narrow at the wall a bit. The small one wriggles free and stands up, making his way towards you ( _ugh what better be clean_ ) the older one opens his mouth and reaches silently towards his (nephew?) but clamps his jaw shut and sits back up straight when you make eye contact.

And now the short one is just _staring up at you_  with these wide, inhuman eyes. ( _do eyes even _get_ that big creepy stop it_ ) He thrusts his hand up at you. “Hi.” He says, and his eyes are just as big, “My name’s Karkat.”

You stare down at him, and blink ( _maybe he’ll catch on_ ) “Um, hey there Karkat, I’m-” you bend down a bit and reach for his hand ( _proper social acceptable_ ) but he snatches it away.

“Kankri says that you’re a good for nothing bum of an uncle who abandons family and is only taking us in because of ob-oble- _obligations_  and that if you don’t it’ll make you look bad, so you’re just doing it for social standing.”

You chuckle nervously ( _what social standing brat should be grateful_ ) and rub the back of your neck with one hand, carding the hair there through your fingers. ( _really did abandon them sorry sorry so sorry_) “Well it sounds like Kankri’s got quite the mouth on him, huh?” You chuckle again ( _pass as a nervous habit?_ ) and glance up over at the older one (he has the decency to look uncomfortable). ( _kankri_ kankri _remember_ ) You crook your eyebrows together and give him a sad excuse for a for a smile. “Sorry. I should have been around more. Especially after...” you trail off lamely, waving your hands slightly. “Sorry.”

It’s not enough. ( _fault your fault dead he’s dead_) You _know_  it’s not enough. ( _stupid useless_ ) There is no reason for him to, to _forgive you_. ( _is that what you even want_ ) You’re to blame, you should have been the one to go. You don’t deserve to live, he was the better one, the one with purpose. With people who cared for him, people who _depended_  on him.

He was the stable one.

You’re hands find your pockets again, their reset position, and you fiddle with the stray strings you find there.

The kid ( _kankri_ ) is looking at you now, ( _stop it stop it don't look at me like that like what_) he sighs and stands up, making his way over to you and the younger one ( _karkat_ ). He places a hand on Karkat’s shoulder and squeezes it. Karkat shys away.

He holds out his hand and is looking you dead in the eyes now ( _stop stop please please don’t_) “Kankri.” He says, and that’s it.

You remove your hand from your pocket ( _no no don’t don’t not safe open_ ) and he doesn’t rip his hand away like Karkat had. You grip it and you stare at eachother like you’re having a conversation with your eyes, but you’re not really sure what about and you’re not really sure what he’s saying. He nods and releases your hand (which returns to it’s home) but you’re still staring at eachother, still talking (but _not_ , because you disconnected some time ago).

The door opens and the nurse enters, the conversation cut short. She smiles up at you ( _tall or short when_ ) “Mr. Vantas,” she says, voice sweet and condescending. “If you and the kids will just follow me, I have a few things for you to fill out.”

You nod and hold the door open and wait for the other two members in the room to exit ( _proper social right correct normal_ ) before you follow the nurse back down the hallway that you had originally come from.

 


	2. Dos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone cares, this is called Vantas³ on g-docs.
> 
> Chapters will now get longer, and also get few and far between. So yeah.
> 
> Let me know how you like the style I'm trying out, and also the story itself.

The key to your apartment turns over with a click. You can almost feel the gears inside falling into place.

You enter and hold the door open for the others to follow.

Your home isn’t much ( _barely anything_ ) but it’s home ( _not that you belong there_ ) and it’s yours and it’s clean. ( _no other way_ )

There’s a mediocre kitchen conjoined with a small living room that has a couch ( _love of your life_ ) and a recliner and a bookshelf that is literally overflowing with literature. No television.

It’s a two bedroom apartment with a single bathroom. You’ve claimed one room as your own (with a bed and everything) but mostly you fall asleep on the couch.

The other room has been mostly designated as the ‘storage room’ ( _for what_ ) and has a bit of clutter of unpacked boxes from back when you moved in a few years ago. You’ve been meaning to unpack them and place their contents in their proper homes, but still haven’t gotten around to it. ( _don’t want to hurts hurts not home_ ) This room is now likely to be titled ‘kid’s room’ in your head, even if one of them isn’t quite a kid anymore. ( _used to be so small what happened should’ve been there_ )

You turn to face them and they're just standing there, holding hands (karkat’s trying to pull away), looking around. ( _what got something to say_ ) You smile over at them and gesture to the apartment.

“Well, It’s uh, not much,” ( _home mine_ ) “but it’s what I’ve got. And now I guess it’s what you’ve got?” You chuckle nervously ( _how the heck do you do this_ ) and they just stare at you with blank expressions. “Well, uh, make yourselves at home?” They still don’t move.

This is almost as bad as the car ride was (kankri wouldn’t look at you and karkat wouldn’t stop) or maybe it’s worse, you can’t really tell.

“I’ll uh, go clear up my room. You don’t mind if you have to share a bed right? Uh, it was kind of unexpected so I didn’t have much time to prepare,” ( _days you had days_ )  “I’ll clean up the back room tomorrow and we’ll buy some beds and mattresses and stuff, you’ll have to share a room, sorry.” Fuck, you’re rambling.

Kankri sends you an unamused look, “It’ll be fine.” He looks like he’s biting his tongue. ( _is his bleeding too?_ )

You nod and run a hand through your hair, “Great, yeah. I’ll just, I’ll just go do that, then. Sit down, if you want, uh, yeah.”

You abscond.

You think about closing and locking the door behind you ( _hide hide hide leave me alone_ ), and then barricading it with your dresser ( _how, weak_ ) and waiting until they got the message and left you alone. You don’t though. ( _nearly nearly_ )

You glance around the room.

There’s a bed up against one wall and pushed into a corner, and a dresser at the end of it. The single window is covered with black curtains so the only light source comes from the ceiling lamp that you just flicked on. (there’s another lamp by your bed with a broken bulb in it)

You have a box on the floor that you use for used linens ( _folded ordered neat_ ) that you wash at the laundromat down the street ( _cleaner less people no confrontation_ ) every other Thursday.

You pick up a few books that have started to collect on your floor ( _pile stacked neat_ ) and glance around again.

It only slightly occurs to you now how few personal belongings you actually own besides your impressive collection of books that reside in the livingroom.

You take your pillow as well and drop it on the couch as you relocate to the living room.

Kankri has taken to looking through the bookshelf ( _mine mine_ ) and doesn’t even glance up when you enter.

Karkat is laying on the floor staring blankly at the ceiling. (you have to step over him and nearly trip) ( _brat_ )

You set the books down and take your time to reshelve them. (Kankri takes care not to bump into you) (not to look at you) ( _brat sorry_ )

You finish and just sort of stare at the bookshelf for a while.

You clear your throat and force an uneasy smile on your face. ( _it hurts_ ) “So,” you say, and it comes out louder than expected (you’re the only one who jumps though), you speak softer, “Are you guys hungry? I could maybe fix you something?” ( _with what food shut up_)

Kankri shrugs and glances down at Karkat.

“As long as it doesn’t suck.” Is the smaller one’s reply.

Kankri looks as though he wants to scold Karkat, but sends a glance your way and holds it in.

Apparently he’s not too old for the silent treatment. ( _fine be that way sorry fucked up sorry_ )

You make your way into the kitchen and open the refrigerator.

There’s a fourth gallon of milk that’s been there since before her last visit. ( _said she’d buy you more liar_ ) There’s a small brick of cheese that you’ve been cutting mold off of for four months and should really just throw out but haven’t yet. ( _still good_ )

There’s ketchup and mustard (even though you don’t like it) ( _told her you told her_) and mayo (you like miracle whip better but that costs more) and soy sauce.

You have exactly three eggs that probably shouldn’t be touched by human hands anymore, and a single apple sits forlornly in the corner. (it’s bruised and slightly brown) (you’ll probably eat it later)

You have three loves of bread (one homemade) in the freezer (because they’ll go stale) (because you’ll forget) and four tupperwares of chocolate chip cookies (and one of brownies).

You’re shelves that encircle the kitchen (if anyone actually bothered to look) are completely stuffed full of Spaghetti-o’s (you don’t like soup or ramen) and exactly one (1) bottle of Red Robin Seasoning.

Spaghetti-o’s it is then.

You get out your pot (you only have one) and open a can and pour the contents inside. (throwing it away after)

You set the stove to five and locate a plastic stirring spoon (metal scratches the bottom) to stir the stuff with.

You have a set of ten plates, (all medium sized) (one for each day and three extra in case one breaks) (but then you’d just buy another one) (now it’ll have to be every three days and one extra) (maybe you should just buy more) ten forks, ten spoons, nine butter knives, (you’d rather not talk about it) and a single metal spork that you hide up in the top corner of the drawer because it freaks you out. ( _metal why is it metal where did it come from_ )

You take out three plates and three forks.

You put back a plate and a fork.

You set the plates and forks down at the table. (opposite ends) (table for four you never eat there)

You stir the noodles.

A few minutes later ( _seven and forty six, seven, eight_ ) you call the two from the living room (you can see them, their just across the room) and tell them that they can come eat now if they’d like.

Apparently they would.

You separate the Spaghetti-o’s evenly ( _n_ _ot not didn’t count_) between them and return to wash the pot. (it’s hot still so you run it under hot (then cold) water first)

Kankri is staring at you when you’ve finished.

Apparently Spaghetti-o’s are an appropriate dinner because Karkat is eating it right up. (good it’s all you have)

Kankri hasn’t touched his.

( _brat be grateful what’s wrong_ )

You’re lips tighten together and your eyebrows scrunch up. ( _right face is it how concern how_)

“Something wrong, Kankri?” You ask, your voice is the proper level now.

His mouth opens, and closes. He glances at his plate and his face tightens, he looks back up at you.

“You’re not eating?” He asks, and actually looks pained that he had to.

You force out out a chuckle ( _was that the right tone_ ) and run your fingers through the hair at the base of your neck. “Yeah, I’m not really hungry. It’s fine, I ate earlier.” This is a lie and you know it. You puked earlier.

He looks like he still wants to say something, but just purses his lips and turns to his food. ( _your food_ )

You escape to the living room.

You can still feel his eyes on you as you strategically pick a book and curl into yourself on the couch.

You only move to show them what to do with their dishes (wash, dry, then put them away) and again to help them work the tub. (the handles are pretty tricky) They head off to bed (your bed) and Kankri sends you another look. It’s less loathing now and more confusion.

You read late into the night and fall asleep with your knees next to your chest sitting up.

You forget to turn the lights off.


	3. san

You wake up with a blanket around your shoulders and a clanking in the kitchen.

Your head snaps up and over ( _ow fuck_ ) to where Kankri has gotten your single pan on the stove and his head buried in the refrigerator. You fall off of the couch in a pile of limbs and scramble over to where he is.

Your eyes are wide and your breathing is heavy because ( _yours yours_) what is he _doing_!?

Kankri stares up at you (though he’s actually only a little shorter, a bit above your shoulders) with unamused, tired eyes. “I was going to make breakfast.” He states, “I used to do that back at sister’s house.”

He stares you down (or up, slightly) and his gaze does not waver.

“Oh.” Is all you reply, and stand there staring at eachother for the next few moments.

Kankri rolls his eyes and turns back to the fridge and pulls out the carton of eggs. He opens it up, counts out three eggs (all the eggs) and sets the carton on the counter, taking out the milk and the cheese as well. You shift and lick your lips, glancing at the eggs and milk.

Kankri turns to the stove and turns it on, then reaches back for an egg, your hand snatches out and catches his wrist. He glances up at you and you lick your lips again.

“Um,” You say, “the eggs, they’re kind of, well, old.” You shift again.

Kankri raises an eyebrow and his eyes flicker down to the egg in his hand and then to the other two in the carton, then back to your face. “How old?” He asks.

You shrug, breaking eye contact in favor of staring at the counter. “Few weeks, month.” You say, but you’re not really sure. Your hand drops back down to your side, Kankri sets the egg down. he glances over to the milk.

“And that?” he asks, motioning to the liquid, “How old is the milk?” You shift again.

When had she last been here? Not since before you’d gotten the news of the passing, she didn’t even know that your... niece had... died. ( _dead gone your fault sorry_ ) How long ago was that? More than a week? More than two? Had it been a month yet? How often did she even come?

You distinctly remember seeing her on the sixth. It’d been a Tuesday and she’d forced you to go on a walk, you’d caught a glimpse of a news stand. It’d been the sixth.

But how long ago had that been? You didn’t keep a calendar in the apartment (even if you did it wouldn’t help) and the only clock you had was the one that was attached to the microwave, and that one speed two and a half minutes every three and a half days.

You glance over at Kankri and his lips are pressed into a thin line. You realise that you haven’t spoken for quite some time and open your mouth (to say what you don’t know) but he holds up his hand and shakes his head.

He takes the carton, closes it, and places it carefully in the trash can under the sink, then takes the milk, opens it (sniffs it and cringes) and pours it down the sink before crushing the carton and throwing it away as well.

He stares over at you again. “We’ll need to go food shopping as well.” He says, and you can only nod.

It takes a bit of effort (mostly on Kankri’s part, you just stood in the doorway and watched) to get Karkat up and ready for the day. The kid sleeps like a rock, and when he finally _does_  wake up, he is the most unresponsive limp noodle you have ever had the chance of laying eyes on. And you’ve seen some pretty unresponsive limp noodles. You used to hold the record for being the limpy-est unresponsive noodle out of everyone you knew. This kid has you beat by a landslide.

Kankri has, much to your befuddlement, written up a list of items that you will need to obtain. There are a lot of foods that you have never even considered buying, nonetheless known that they’d existed before this moment.

He also has matress written down, but not bed frame. When you question him on this he looks uncomfortable and tries to explain, in the most roundabout way possible, ( _not stupid not not_) that bed frames are expensive. You’re not quite sure what he’s trying to get at.

Kankri shifts. You’re in the elevator (it’s actually working today) and you’re staring over at him as he avoids your face. Karkat is measuring the perimeter of the box with his feet.

“I don’t mean to,” he falters and bites his cheek (you can see the indent) “ _trigger_  you” ( _trigger what no fine you’re fine_) “or insult you in any form, but by your, apparent situation, along with the fact that you have just taken on a child and an adolescent into your care, I do not wish to place any, how do I say- _financial stress_  on you. Karkat and I will be fine with just a mattress, for the time being of course.  You understand.”

You most certainly do _not_  understand.

‘Apparent situation’? ‘Financial stress’?

What does this kid think you are? Some sort of inept vigarant?

Sure, you might be a bit of a shut-in (read hard core) but you’re not totally useless.

You have a job ( _used to have a better one are useless shut up shut up_) and it pays the bills just fine. You also have plenty of money saved up in the bank, incase you ever need to use it. (which you won’t, not with that place you’re living in now, barely seven hundred a month)

Just because your apartment is shit (but clean) doesn’t mean that you’re not well off.

Because you are.

You glare at the wall ( _why are you mad are you mad_ ) and wave off Kankri’s growing apologies.

Well, at least the kid will talk in your presence now.

Kankri sits in the passenger seat this time. Karkat throws about a two and a half minute hissy fit before clambering into the back without another word.

You can’t tell if he’s quietly seething or honestly doesn’t care and just wanted to make a scene for the heck of it.

You don’t listen to music.

You head to the mattress store first (they actually have a separate store for that kind of thing, Mattress Kingdom) and you’re glad that it’s in the strip mall area, because you don’t actually know where things are in this city. ( _lived here your entire life never saw them never tried asshole_ )

You actually got a decent parking place and it’s not too far from the doors, but when you get out and lock the doors, Kankri is holding his hand out expectantly to Karkat.

“There are cars Karkat,” and you try not to smile (it isn’t that hard) “I simply wish for your safety.”

Karkat has his hands stuffed deep in his pockets (large ragged grey hoodie that you suspect used to be Kankri’s) and has his cheeks puffed out childishly. He shakes his head rapidly and you’re half afraid that it will fly off.

“Karkat.” says Kankri in a tight voice, “you have to hold _someone's_  hand. It’s a rule and you know it. Stop being difficult.”

Karkat shrinks into himself. His shoulders hunch and his head lowers.

You roll your eyes and turn to walk towards the doors, because they can catch up if they want to, but you’re not waiting for them.

Before you even take two steps something is tugging at your hand and Karkat’s fingers curl around your fingers.

You freeze, ( _nonono stop don’t touch me no stop please help_ ) and stare down at him. Karkat isn’t looking at you though, he’s too busy sticking his tongue back at Kankri.

“I’m holding _someone’s_  hand, _see_?” he huffs and turns around and tries to start walking, but is delayed by your cease in movement. He rolls his eyes, “Well? Are you coming or what?” His face is red and he won’t look at you.

You take a deep breath and release it ( _not enough not enough you can do this_ ) you nod (but mostly to yourself) and start walking again.

Kankri is muttering under his breath but doesn’t press the matter.

Karkat drops your hand like it’s hot iron as soon as you’re through the doors. You have this weird feeling in your stomach ( _don’t touch me don’t touch me wasn’t that bad_ ) and it twists and curves like a snake knotting itself in your abdomen.

You’re not sure if it’s a bad feeling or not. ( _terrible terrible don’t touch me_ )

You let Karkat jump on the beds and ignore the workers and Kankri when they tell you not to let him do that.

Karkat picks out a comfortable and expensive twin mattress. When you notify the relieved looking attendants that you’ll take it, Kankri looks concerned.

“Are you sure about this? The last one was fine for us.” You glance over at him and raise your eyebrow.

“Do you want that one then?” ( _show him you’ll show him_ ) “This one’s Karkat’s. I’m not making you guys share a bed.”

“What- but, I, that’s not- you don’t have to. _Uncle_  we are perfectly fine sharing a bed until you have the means of paying for a second one. And even if that time never comes we shall be fine. I don’t wish to burden you anymore than we already have. I also do not wish to insult you or say something that may possibly offend you, but from my current standpoint, and what I have witnessed, this is not something that you can easily afford.”

You still can’t get over the fact that he called you _uncle_. ( _that’s what you are idiot idiot don’t say that don’t deserve it sorry so fucking sorry shut up shut up_ )

“Kankri.” You say, and his mouth snaps shut as he looks up at you. “It’s fine. Go pick out a bed.”

He’s still hesitant but heads off nonetheless.

You refuse the first two he picks out. They’re stiff and hard and _cheap_  and frankly you feel rather insulted. ( _brat what do you take me for_ )

“Kankri.” You say, “pick out something you _want_  and actually like. It’s no problem. Just pick something so we can leave.” The attendants are starting to give you wary looks and Karkat has been whining for the past fifteen minuets.

Kankri gives you an annoyed look, but heads off again.

You’re pretty sure he only chose this one out of spite.

It’s a full, plush and soft to the touch. It’s nice. And rather expensive. You purchase it without another thought.

You hand the clerk a silver card and she slides it through without incident. You could almost swear that Kankri winces.

You give them your resident information and they say that they’ll be by around five to drop the mattresses off and help carry them up. You can only hope that the elevators will actually be working still. ( _unreliable stupid stupid neighbors crazy_ )

You lead the two back to your car. Kankri is in this fuming state where it’s like he feels bad but wants to be mad at you at the same time.

Grocery store next.

Great.

You can’t actually remember the last time you were actually _in_  a grocery store. ( _people big crowds lost help_ ) Usually Dee just buys all of your stuff for you, and then brings it over every week.

Again you idly wonder where she’s been.

It’s not like it’s her _job_  to make sure that you’re fully nutrition and alive, but it’s nice to know at least someone still cares about you.

Cared.

The milk was over two weeks old. ( _what does that mean gone gone doesn’t care sorry_ )

Over two weeks since she last stopped by. ( _maybe she stopped coming deserve it filthy disgusting should just die_ )

Maybe she finally realized what everyone else realized, that you’re just not worth it. ( _deserve nothing nothing sorry sorry come back please miss you how_ )

The store that you choose is one that’s not too far away from your apartment building.

It’s mediocre in size and not that busy seeing as it’s the middle of the day in the middle of the week. ( _day day what day is it_)

You lead the two inside.

Karkat grabs your hand again, and doesn’t release that roughly when you finally reach the store’s entrance.

It makes you feel weird inside.

You watch as Kankri grabs a cart and follow him through the store. He seems to be grabbing only necessities. Milk, eggs, cheese, lunch meat, bread. When you see him stop and stare at an item for more than five seconds you grab it after he passes it and place it in the cart.

He usually just purses his lips but other than that doesn’t say anything.

He and Karkat both pick out cereal but you just grab a two pack of peanut butter.

Peanut butter is a nonperishable. ( _forget sometimes sorry rotten stale bad_ )

When you check out the cashier smiles at you and asks you how your day has been going.

You make an in audible sound and watch the ground as she scans your items. Kankri talks pleasantries and you scan your card when due. It’s over a hundred dollars. Kankri winces but you hardly bat an eye.

You should pay your bills soon, but you’re not too worried about it because you always pay everything at the same time and your landlord hasn’t bothered you about it yet this month so you’re probably still good.

Probably.

You ignore the cashier as much as you can ( _no_  you don’t want a card you _don’t even shop here_ ) and are out the doors as soon as humanly possible.

It’s still not fast enough.

By the time you finally get back to your apartment you feel as though you’ve been holding your breath the whole day (which probably isn’t too far from the truth) and feel rather exhausted.

All you really want to do is lock yourself in your room and hide in the closet and read a book.

But that is a childish thing to do and you are not a child. (and you can’t act like one with them here either)

Instead Kankri makes lunch (even though you offered) (peanut butter sandwiches) and you spend the rest of the afternoon clearing out the back room.

The mattresses don’t actually arrive until late into the evening and the delivery men were very put out that your elevator was out of working order again.

Very.

You manage to get them to the back room (with _out_  the help of the delivery men who _left_ ) but don’t manage to cover them with sheets or blankets.

You guess the couch isn’t so bad for another night. ( _fine I’m fine grow up_)

You make Spaghetti-o’s for dinner again and actually eat this time. Karkat looks like he wants to complain about something but Kankri appears to give him a stern talking to in the hall.

It’s just as well. You probably wouldn’t be able to change anything even if he wanted to.

Even if you wanted to.

You’re so tired.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was suppose to be a crack fic and I’m not really sure what happened to it.

Kankri makes breakfast.

Eggs and ham (slices) and toast (that he must have made in the frying pan because you don’t actually have a toaster).

You eat your toast (with peanut butter) and push the eggs and meat around your plate until Karkat grumbles that he’s still hungry and giving it to him. ( _can’t eat it anyway_ )

Kankri gives you a tight look.

You spend the morning setting the beds with Kankri’s help. ( _fine on my own_ ) You’re actually slightly surprised that you still had extra bedspread in the apartment. You had originally thought that you had gotten rid of it all except for a spare; but there it is in the hall closet only slightly musty.

By the time you’ve actually gotten everything moved around and settled it’s almost noon.

Kankri takes it upon himself to make lunch (again). He makes grilled cheese with ham and makes use of your ketchup.  

You eat half a sandwich and put the rest in a bag for later. Kankri eyes you warily.

It’s about one in the afternoon and Karkat is getting antsy.

By ‘antsy’ you mean one moment he’s laying on the ground dead to the world and the next he’s running into walls.

Literally.

On purpose.

You’re just sitting on the couch watching him run rampant. ( _sit down_)

Apparently Kankri can’t take it anymore ( _thank you_ ) because he stands up from his seat at the table and announces that you are all going out.

You and Karkat both stare at him blankly, then give eachother varying looks of disapproval.

You do not want to go out. ( _f_ _ine here fine safe_)

Apparently neither does Karkat.

He screams something at his uncle that you take to be rather vulgar in children speak and then falls face first on the carpet announcing that his is not going and that Kankri can’t make him.

As the three of you are getting ready Kankri glances you up and down disapprovingly.

“You need a jacket.” Is all he says.

And you really do not want to wear a jacket today.

You smile at him ( _right? right? not awkward?_ ) and sort of wave your hand a little. “I think I’ll be fine, Kankri.”

His look tells you otherwise.

“Uncle.” He says, and suddenly you are small again and know nothing and the adult needs to explain to you (in small easy words) why they are right and you are wrong. “As it is ultimately your choice in the matter I cannot force you to do anything you do not wish to do. However. It has been quite chilly as of late, seeing as it is the middle of Autumn, and I do not wish for you go get sick.” He goes on. And on. About how he doesn’t want to impose, but- and it is your choice, but- he doesn’t mean to insult you, but-

You put on your jacket.

When Karkat tries to protest his a stern look from Kankri is all it takes to have him huffing but placing it on nonetheless.

As you’re locking your door (and double checking it and triple checking it) a low whistle sounds from somewhere off to your side. ( _fuck_ )

You restrain yourself from sighing or rolling your eyes or clenching your fists or showing any outward affliction.

You are most certain that you fail.

You glance at the source of the whistle.

It is a man, large (but not fat) aged (but not old).

It is your neighbor.

Your neighbor from six stories up.

The only neighbor that seems to deem it worthy to pass by your apartment as often as they can (even though it _must_ be an inconvenience for them and they have to go out of their way) just to mock you.

The worst part is, is that you don’t even know if he’s trying to mock you or if he’s just naturally a pillory. ( _fucking annoying go away_ )

His hair is blonde and spiked _just so_ and he is wearing a white polo with the collar hitched up _just so_ with a smirk permanently embedded on his face _just so_. ( _just die_)

He’s with his kid brother.

“Sup Vantas.” He greets as he approaches, the pink bedazzled ‘Best Mom’ brooch placed (proudly? ironically?) on his shirt. “Didn’t know you were in to cloning.”

You purse your lips and give him no more than a fleeting glance as you turn towards the elevator that clearly states’ Out Of Order’. ( _fucking damnit_ )

You are ready to either make a mad dash for the stairs or just _turn around_ and go back inside ( _safe alone go away_ ) but Kankri ( _stupid stupid no_) smiles pleasantly at your neighbor.

“Hello.” He says, and he is the epitome of manners. (and you want to _kill_ him) “Are you an acquaintance of my uncle?”

Your neighbor’s smirk widened and his brother pulls on his hand making a sound of protest. Said boy is ignored.

“Somethin’ like that. You his nephew?” ( _no no no no no_ )

Kankri’s smile widens. “Indeed. Due to some rather unfortunate circumstances my brother Karkat and I have come to live with him.” ...Did he just lie?

“That’s great.” Says your neighbor, and he glances over at you. ( _die go away_ ) “This is my little brother, Dave. Lil’ man’s just about eight. How old is he?”

Dave squirms and glares at the ground.

Kankri’s mouth moves to answer but Karkat beats him to the punch. “I’m seven and a half.” He’s starring Dave down (and has possibly been staring Dave down since the arrival of the two) and almost looks like he’ll attack if given the choice.

Your neighbor squats down. “That’s cool bud. Maybe you and Dave can be friends.” He looks pointedly at you. “Then maybe me and your uncle over there can get to know eachother better.”

You want to die.

Kankri’s face is faltering. His smile strained and his eyebrows coming together.

“I’m, not sure what you mean, Mr.-” he trails off, still smiling, but glancing at you with slight concern.

“Strider.” Your neighbor provides (and wow he has a name) then stands up, smirking. “What I mean to say is I haven’t seen your uncle’s pretty little lady around lately,” so it _has_ been a while. “which means he’s free for the taking, and hell, I would _not_ mind taking.”

You are positive you are red with fury ( _embarrassment_ ) and your hands are clenched and you refuse to look at any of them.

Kankri’s voice is cold when he finally does speak, after an eternity of silence. “Mr. Strider. Were you aware that unsolicited flirtation can also be taken as _sexual harassment_.”

You risk a glance at your neighbor, and his expression is blank, eyes hidden behind his ridiculous pointed sunglasses.

“Were you also aware that sexual harassment was a _federal crime_? Many, if not most people, also find it distasteful, offensive, and even _triggering_?” You’re not actually sure if anyone besides Kankri is even _breathing_. Though, Karkat still looks rather intent on burning Dave with his gaze.

“And triggering, _Mr_. Strider,” he continues, “is one of _the_ most _loathsome_ and inadmissible things that I have _ever_ come across in my _entire_ existence.” You are pretty sure that your neighbor is gaping (without moving his face) and his brother looks rather uncomfortable. “I am _very_ offended right now, and I am sure that my uncle is _quite_ triggered at your unwarranted advances. I suggest that in the future you _think_ before you open your mouth and antagonize anyone else with your gall.”

Dave looks rather horrified, your neighbor’s face is visibly tight, Kankri is seething, and Karkat is glaring at Dave.

“Now.” Kankri, his calm voice shocks you and you glance over at him with wide eyes. “If you will excuse us, we are heading out.” He grabs Karkat’s hand and drags him away from the scene. You glance at your motionless neighbor and leave him and his brother standing in silence in favor of following your nephew.

( _fuck yeah_ )

It’s silent as you walk down the street, trailing only a few feet behind Kankri and ragdoll Karkat. This goes on for several minutes.

You’re not sure if you’re suppose to say something or not. Not actually sure how situations like this actually go. ( _not sure how any situation goes_)

Are you suppose to thank him? (but what did he even do?) Do you even comment on it at all? Do you only bring it up if he wants to? Do you apologise? ( _for what_ )

You are so lost in your in head ( _always_ ) that you don’t even notice when Kankri stops.

You have to rush to a stop and are leaning over a wide eyed Karkat before you hurry to back off.

Kankri isn’t looking at you.

“Uncle,” he starts, but then cuts off, shifting slightly and clenching and unclenching his free hand.

You fiddle with the keys in your pockets.

“Uncle.” He turns around to look at you, and he has this far off look in his eyes, mouth set and eyebrows tight. “I am afraid,” and your heart sinks and thumps and leaves your chest all together. ( _shit stupid stupid should have apologised_ ) You should have apologised. You should have said _something. Anything_. Given some explanation about the situation. ( _but what would you say?_)

Maybe you should have warned him about your neighbor (Strider) but _how could you have known_? You haven’t seen him in weeks. ( _haven’t been out in weeks_ )

_What are you suppose to do_?

You’re panicking, you can feel it. Your breath is getting shallow, your heart faster, your head is spinning and you can’t stop _thinking_ and oh god oh god oh _fuck_ -

But Kankri is carrying on without another moment's notice, “I am afraid that I must apologise for my brash behavior.” what. “What I did was uncalled for and quite disrespectful. I have no place involving myself in your affairs and I certainly should not have forced myself into the situation in the manner that I did. I ask that you forgive me for my poor manners and apologise for speaking to your acquaintance in the fashion that I did.” The way he says ‘acquaintance’ gives you the sense that he has something fowl in his mouth that he would much like to spit it out but feels that that would be quite rude to the host (or in this case, you), “I shall apologise for my rude behavior to Mr. Strider,” (saying the man’s name gives the same effect) “at our next encounter. Or sooner if you should hope. I lost my temper that it was simply not acceptable. I can not excuse my behavior but I am sorry nonetheless.”

You are pretty sure that you are gaping. A flick of the eyes to Karkat tells you that he is entirely bored with the whole ordeal.

Well. ( _fuck what now_ )

You lick your lips a few times ( _once, twice, thrice_ ) and your mouth sort of moves like you’re attempting to form words but aren’t actually managing it.

Eventually you say “It’s fine.” But it comes out rushed and after too long a pause.

Kankri gives you an apologetically skeptical look.

“I don’t even like him.” No wait, that’s rude. “I mean, it’s not like- we’re not friends.” That was wrong too. “He only knows my name because he read my mail once.” Fuck. “I just- I dropped an envelope once? And he picked it up and saw my name? He just- he hasn’t left me alone sense, not that he did before, I mean. I don’t talk to him, so it’s not like-” Kankri’s face is slowly dropping to that of a neutral one. “We’re not friends. I don’t even,” didn’t even, “know his name. We don’t talk. I find him,” annoying, “slightly bothersome I suppose. I-” fuck you’re rambling. “Thanks.”

It’s quite as the two of you stare awkwardly at each other.

Karkat let’s out a sudden bark of a laugh. The two of you look at him sharply.

He just rolls his eyes at you. “What, at least we know that he’s related to us now.”

And Kankri just _stares_ at his younger brother ( _nephew_ ) like he’s some foreign entity.

And then he’s laughing.

Kankri is doubling over and clutching at his sides. He’s wiping tears from his eyes and _smiling_.

You weren't even aware that you hadn't seen him smile (really _smile_ ) since meeting him.

Karkat just sort of rolls his eyes again and you are mostly shocked into submission.

Eventually he calms down and apologises. “I got a little away from myself. Sorry.”

You nod numbly. (it’s not really a bad numb)

He’s still smiling when he finally stands up straight. “We should head back.” He says, and you nod again.

When you reach your apartment again (you use the stairs, the elevator still is not in use) it is rather late. Kankri makes dinner.

He makes Spaghetti-o’s.

He smiles at you again as he poor them (mostly even, you guess it’ll have to do) into three separate bowls. It’s almost a knowing smile.

You eat.

Kankri refuses to let either you or Karkat leave the table until you finish your meals.

You each take turns taking a shower (last time was bath time) and get ready for bed.

Kankri ushers Karkat to their shared room and sends you a passing ‘good night’.

You head to your own bed.

It’s the first time you’ve slept there in a few days.

It smells a little funny and they didn’t make it quite right this morning so it’s a little weird.

Weird, but not bad.

You read late into the night and fall asleep with the lamp on again.

It’s off again by the time you wake up.


End file.
